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How to ask for help from people who don't know you (pradyuprasad.com)

542 points by FigurativeVoid · 57 days ago · 84 comments on HN

Article summary

The article discusses the importance of asking for help effectively, particularly from people who don't know you. It provides heuristics for asking for help, including putting the other person first, demonstrating that you are a serious person, and making your request easy to accept. The article also emphasizes the importance of understanding the reader's mind and perspective when asking for help. By following these principles, you can increase the likelihood of getting a positive response to your request for help.

Main themes

  • Asking for help
  • Effective communication
  • Building relationships
  • Personal credibility
  • Request strategy

What commenters say

  • Offering to pay for someone's time can be an effective way to show seriousness and get a response, as it signals that you value their time and are willing to compensate them for it.
  • Some people believe that asking for help is not about the money, but about showing that you have costed the other person's time and are not planning to waste it.
  • Others argue that optimizing for not irritating people can be a mistake, and that it's better to be direct and clear in your ask, even if it means potentially irritating someone.
  • Demonstrating that you are a serious person by showing proof of work is crucial, but it's not just about the magnitude of energy spent, but also about the quality and relevance of the work.
  • Some commenters disagree with the article's advice, believing that asking for help is largely a matter of luck, and that these strategies may not be effective in all situations.
  • Putting yourself in the perspective of the other person and trying to understand their needs and concerns is essential for making an effective ask.
  • Being opportunistic but not too attached to your ask, and using psychological tricks such as citing someone's published work, can also be effective ways to get a positive response.
  • The way you ask for help can have a significant impact on the outcome, and being clear, direct, and respectful is crucial for building relationships and getting the help you need.