Making friends as an adult is hard (2021) (wbur.org)

Article summary

Making friends as an adult can be challenging because the organic environments that facilitate friendships, such as continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability, are less common in adulthood. Psychologist Marisa G. Franco suggests being intentional about making friends, setting up planned interactions, and assuming people already like you. She also recommends overcoming covert avoidance and taking the extra step to ask for contact information to form connections. Additionally, Franco notes that men often have more trouble making friends than women due to societal perceptions and the fear of being perceived as gay.

Main themes

• adult friendships
• social connections
• group dynamics
• one-on-one relationships
• sustainability of friendships
• importance of shared activities

What commenters say

• Some people prefer one-on-one interactions over group hangouts, finding them more enjoyable and easier to hold conversations.
• Others argue that group hangouts are more sustainable and can fend for themselves even if some members leave, whereas one-on-one relationships require constant effort to maintain.
• The idea of a 'weekly hang' where a group of people meet at the same location and time every week is seen as a great way to form and maintain friendships, but it can be challenging to sustain with a large group.
• Having a mix of both superficial and deep relationships is important, as superficial relationships with a larger group can be just as valuable as strong relationships with a few people.
• Some people disagree that one-on-one relationships are not scalable, arguing that they can be very rewarding and do not require a large amount of time or effort to maintain.
• The importance of having a shared activity or narrative to bring people together and create a sense of community is highlighted, such as weekly trivia nights or game nights.
• Others note that as people get older, it becomes more difficult to maintain large groups of friends due to factors such as family and work commitments, and that one-on-one relationships may become more practical.
• The concept of a 'weekly hang' may not be universally applicable or desirable, with some people preferring more spontaneous or informal social gatherings.